Sports Suck!
4:32 p.m. | 2004-11-02
So I have this theory that sports are single handedly destroying this country. I think they are worthless, unimportant, and a waste of money. I just don�t understand how they can pay an uneducated baseball player millions of dollars to run around in circles and hit balls with sticks, but we can�t pay our school teachers what they are worth. (I mean, they do educate our youth, you know?) I�ve already mentioned here that when I am Queen I will rid the world of sports, but just incase you disagree with me, here is some proof�
"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
- Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant.
"I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
- Mike Greenwell, Baseball player
"It's got lots of installation."
- Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, describing his new coat
"Okay, everyone, now inhale... and then dehale!"
- Maury Wills, Los Angeles Dodgers captain, leading his teammates through warm-up calisthenics
"Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
- Mickey Rivers, baseball player
"Except for his car, he's the only man on the track."
- Murray Walker, Sportcaster
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
- Murray Walker, Sportscaster
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
"I don't think we learned a lesson; I think it was a learning experience for us."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, after game 4 of the 2001 NBA finals, on being asked by NBC reporter Jim Gray if LA had learned a lesson from what happened the previous year in Indiana
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"You guys have to run a little more than full speed out there."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"If only faces could talk..."
- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl
"Guys aren't able to get $15 or $20 million anymore, so you have to play for the love of the game."
- Penny Hardaway, NBA Basketball Player
"And the ball is out here. No, it's not. Yes it is. No, it's not. What happened."
- Phil Rizzuto, NY Yankees announcer
"If you walk backwards, you'll find out that you can go forwards and people won't know if you're coming or going."
- Casel Stengal, former Baseball player
"The team has come along slow but fast."
- Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager
"I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5."
- Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player
"Football players win football games."
- Chuck Knox, football coach
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.
"These people haven't seen the last of my face. If I go down, I'm going down standing up."
- Chuck Person, NBA Basketball player
"Better make it six, I can't eat eight."
- Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices
"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated
"We're just physically not physical enough."
- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach
"I really didn't say everything I said."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player
"A nickel ain't worth a dime any more."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player
"It's like deja vu all over again."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player
"Always go to other peoples' funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player
"Predictions are difficult, especially about the future."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player