Sports Suck!
4:32 p.m. | 2004-11-02
So I have this theory that sports are single handedly destroying this country. I think they are worthless, unimportant, and a waste of money. I just don’t understand how they can pay an uneducated baseball player millions of dollars to run around in circles and hit balls with sticks, but we can’t pay our school teachers what they are worth. (I mean, they do educate our youth, you know?) I’ve already mentioned here that when I am Queen I will rid the world of sports, but just incase you disagree with me, here is some proof…
"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
- Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant.
"I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
- Mike Greenwell, Baseball player
"It's got lots of installation."
- Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, describing his new coat
"Okay, everyone, now inhale... and then dehale!"
- Maury Wills, Los Angeles Dodgers captain, leading his teammates through warm-up calisthenics
"Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
- Mickey Rivers, baseball player
"Except for his car, he's the only man on the track."
- Murray Walker, Sportcaster
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
- Murray Walker, Sportscaster
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
"I don't think we learned a lesson; I think it was a learning experience for us."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, after game 4 of the 2001 NBA finals, on being asked by NBC reporter Jim Gray if LA had learned a lesson from what happened the previous year in Indiana
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"You guys have to run a little more than full speed out there."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"If only faces could talk..."
- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl
"Guys aren't able to get $15 or $20 million anymore, so you have to play for the love of the game."
- Penny Hardaway, NBA Basketball Player
"And the ball is out here. No, it's not. Yes it is. No, it's not. What happened."
- Phil Rizzuto, NY Yankees announcer
"If you walk backwards, you'll find out that you can go forwards and people won't know if you're coming or going."
- Casel Stengal, former Baseball player
"The team has come along slow but fast."
- Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager
"I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5."
- Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player
"Football players win football games."
- Chuck Knox, football coach
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.
"These people haven't seen the last of my face. If I go down, I'm going down standing up."
- Chuck Person, NBA Basketball player
"Better make it six, I can't eat eight."
- Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices
"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated
"We're just physically not physical enough."
- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach
"I really didn't say everything I said."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player
"A nickel ain't worth a dime any more."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player
"It's like deja vu all over again."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player
"Always go to other peoples' funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player
"Predictions are difficult, especially about the future."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player