I like things in Black and White, motherfucker...
6:13 p.m. | 2005-01-22
I used to be the type of person who could be alone completely, for days without conversation or contact and be absolutely content. It’s easy to adjust to that type of daily life when there is no one around to talk to or be in the company of anyway…
But it’s completely different when there was someone there with you every moment of every day and every night, then suddenly as if death took over, they are gone.
That’s kind of what it feels like.
It’s a withdrawal.
That’s the only way I’m able to explain it.
It’s the unknown.
Not knowing when you are going to see him again.
Months…
This isn’t normal. This isn’t right.
Everything about this is strange and insensible.
I guess I’m just old fashion in the thinking that a person should work where they reside…
Stupid?
But if living out of a suitcase from a motel room with a bunch of middle aged dirty factory workers who smoke too much is what he wants, then that’s fine with me…
If it means he’s happy traveling from one place to the next, then that’s fine with me too…
But if he thinks that I’m going to be the wife of a man I see for a few days every six months, he’s going to be seriously fucking disappointed…
Maybe I’m being selfish.
Everyone else thinks this is the greatest fucking thing that has ever happened to him…
When he called the other night he mentioned that he wanted to get a lap top computer.
I told him I thought the idea of buying a luxury item such as a computer when he was trying to pay off thousands of dollars in bills, not to mention he doesn’t even have a car didn’t make any sense to me…
But then his mother actually said…
“Well, maybe a computer is more sensible than a car since he’s going to be on the road working from now on.”
That is when my head exploded…
And then his uncle spoke up and said…
“Well, how is his chick taking all of this? Is she getting all psycho and crazy?”
Little did his uncle know I was sitting in the other room and overheard his bitch ass comment…
I’ve never liked his uncle anyway. But now I have a concrete reason not to…
This all is just making me very angry. And I think everyone around me will be happy after Tuesday when I go to the doctors and get put on some meds…
Speaking of meds…
I’ve been looking around on the net at different types of depression and I found something called Dysthymia, which sounds sooooo much like how I feel and act.
O’well…
Until then, it’s just me and my bottle of Tequila I found in the garage…