Merry Christmas, Assholes...
3:15 p.m. | 2006-12-24
I was sick again with the flu last week so I dug my dad’s old Vick’s Vaporizer out of the closet because he told me it would help clear my sinuses…
It’s this big plastic container that comes with this magical potion and when you put the potion in water and let it steam it makes the boogers go away…
All my dad said was that the steam would fog my windows and mirrors, which I thought was a small price to pay for the ability to breathe…
What he did not tell me was that the steam would make the plaster on my ceiling cave in….
Cause it did.
Above my head.
Whilst…I slept.
And then today I had to run to three different drug stores to try and find my grandmother this weird extension thing that goes on top of the toilet so she doesn’t have to bend as far to shit…
I finally found the damn thing and I decided that while I was there I might as well invest in a bottle of vodka since it’s Christmas eve and well, my mother drives me crazy…
When I got up to the counter to pay the guy only charged me for the toilet extender thing…
I got a free bottle of vodka!
And I didn’t have to show him my boob or anything!
Joyous!