Gabriel...
12:07 p.m. | 2001-07-14
I just got back from jail...
Me and my cousin Shanon went to visit Gabe today. This was the first time I've seen him since he has been in. Almost three months. When I saw him walk through the big steel door, I didn't even recognize him. He was so pale...so small. But his eyes let me know it was really him. His eyes...just like Sammy's. I saw Sammy in his eyes...in his smile. It's funny how they can look alike and have so many of the same gestures and habits...but be so different...like night and day.
His skin was pasty and sick like and his hair was buzzed short. They had to cut off the bottoms of his baggy orange jumpsuit so it would fit his short build. He stood and pulled it back to show me his small waist. He said all they feed him are potatos and bread...sometimes bologna.
When I sat down on the other side of the glass and picked up the phone, the first thing he asked was how his brother was. I guess he hasn't seen him bro in a while. Not by choice, but because Sammy works so much he can never go when the rest of his family goes. I told him Sammy was fine. He asked how his band did when I went and saw them earlier this week. I told him they played well, and that he should be proud of his little brother. Gabe just looked at me. I know how much he wished he could have been there too. I told Gabe that Sammy had told me he was going to come visit on Sunday. He smiled. He asked me how I was. I said fine. He asked if I graduated already. I said "yes...a month ago." He shook his head again. "I'm missing everything." he whispered.
I paused and looked at him. I felt my heart drop and tears pushing at the back of my eyes.
"Why are you sad?" he asked.
I thought it was strange that he could ask something like that. "Because I hate seeing you like this." I replied. "You don't belong here. This isn't you. And I care. Even though I always made fun of you and we always fought...I still care."
He smiled again.
I told him that when he got out that we would all go party. He said he would like that. He glanced over at Shanon. He still looks at he the same way. The same way he did the first time he saw her at the Oil Dripper meeting the summer before. I hadn't seen it in a while but it was still there. All the things they have been through was there. All the feeling and emotion...I saw it in his eyes...in her eyes. She gazed back at him and smiled. I don't think I have ever seen two people look at each other with such importance and feeling. I know how much she means to him...and how much he means to her.
I can still remember the summer before when we met him. We had so much fun together running around with the car club they both belonged to. The way they'd race each other down Imperial when we all went to Krispy Kremes. The way he played with Baby Tony in the play area at Chucky Cheese because he was the only one small enough to fit through the tubes. The way he treated my cousin so well when they dated. And the way they would keep me up all night talking on the phone when I had to go to work the next morning and she was spending the night...ok..maybe that wasn't so great but...you know what I mean...
I told him everything was going to be ok. He said he knows. I'm glad he can atleast say that, weither he means it or not is something different.
Shanon told him that I had a crush on Sammy. He just looked at me, shook his head and laughed. She told him that last night we went and picked Sammy up and went for ice cream.
Gabe said he would give anything for some ice cream...
You know, it's weird. Just knowing that he isn't suppose to be in there. Knowing that that isn't the person he really is...makes me feel so bad. If worst comes to worst, he will be in there for a year. If the best happens...he will be out really soon. Now it's just a waiting game. And not knowing makes it the worst.
Gabe's a good guy when you get past the surface. After you see through the rough outside and the attitude, he has a good heart. I know because I see it when he is with Shanon. I guess there are decent guys out there...maybe one day I'll be so lucky to find one...just maybe...