The end to what could never have been...
2:40 a.m. | 2001-11-13
Before you say anything, let me see if I can save you the trouble� You�re sorry. You never meant to hurt me and you didn�t mean for things to turn out this way. You hope we can still stay friends because I�m such a great person and you really cherish our friendship�did I cover about everything? Well you know what, I don�t want to hear it. I�ve heard it all before, more than once and I don�t need to hear it from you to know that it�s completely crap. The worst part is that I promised myself to never let one guy hurt me twice. And somehow you managed to pull it off. I just have one question�Why? Why did you put me through this when you knew you had every intention on getting with Ericka? Why did you even bother bring up �casually dating� with me when you knew that it wasn�t going to be that way. I should have told you that casual dating never works and someone always ends up getting hurt. I know because I�ve been through it before. I should have listened to Greg. I should have listened to my heart when it cried out to me on Saturday night when you weren�t at work. I got this burning pain in my gut. I knew you were with her. And I should have listened to my heart on Sunday morning when it pleaded with me. When you were late to church. And you came in all grubby and tired because you were out all night. With her. And I should have paid attention to that hollow sinking feeling in my stomach on Monday night. I remember turning to Greg and I told him that I knew something was wrong. I always got that feeling right before something horrible happened. That is when she walked in. I should have listened to my heart. Well you know what, I�m sorry too. I�m sorry I�m not as pretty as her. And I�m sorry I don�t look like some supermodel athlete like she does. And I�m sorry I wasn�t good enough. Well you know what, maybe you aren�t good enough for me. You know I don�t know what I would do without Greg. And I probably would have broke down on Monday night if he hadn�t read me the story of Job. Now I realize that I am Job. And this is a test. Everything was going great and now I have this huge roadblock in my path called Bernie. And now God wants to see if I can get through it. And when I do he will reward me with someone who is 7 times greater than you. And then we will see who is sorry.