Imma loser baby....so why don't you kill me?..
12:21 p.m. | 2001-11-10
Last night Bernie and I went out again. We really didn't have any plans or any place inparticular to go...so we just started driving. We ended up driving for TWO HOURS. We somehow got lost in conversation and ended up in Newport Beach on side streets. We started to get hungry so he thought it would be cool if he found a new place to eat at that we could call "our" place. We ended up choosing "BRAVO BURGER" in Huntington Beach.
After that we decided to go back to my place and watch a movie. I let him drive so we could get back faster. (I still hate freeways.)
Actually we never really watched a movie. We ended up just laying on my bed talking until 4 in the morning. It was the first time we have ever actually made physical contant too. He layed his head on my stomach and I scratched his head. We play fought and messed around. I just loved being there with him. He is so incredibly awsome to be around. His personality doesn't stop and there is always conversation with us.
But sometimes the conversation goes bad...
At one point Bernie got quiet and had this confused look on his face. I asked him if something was wrong and he said that he felt really bad about seeing both me and Erica at the same time. He said that he has never done anything like that before and that the last thing he would ever want to do is hurt one of us. Now, part of me wanted to believe him because I would like to think of his as a good Christian boy. But the other part of me still sees him as nothing but a typical male who has already hurt me once.
I just tried to not get upset and change the subject.
When he was leaving me gave me a hug. But this hug was different. It was a real full on hug. Not one of those cheesey one armed hugs like we usually have. It was nice.
So now I guess it's just a waiting game. A competition between me and Erica. But you wanna know the sad part...
I've always been a complete Loser.