Breathe out...
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Breathe in�
She barely had time to blink before her life had changed. It gave no warning, and without her consent, it left her wondering what she had done wrong. Insomnia pledged her, and her eyes were no longer the color of honey. They were empty now, lonely and swollen from the tears that kept her company.
She sat still, with her knees to her chest; she let the warm water from the shower pour over her. Enveloping her and washing away all the broken pieces. The water pounded against the porcelain and echoed over the sound of the thoughts that filled her head. She pressed her cheek against the cool tile. No longer could she distinguish her salty tears from the shower water. It was all the same.
Turning the knobs, she watched the tiny cyclone of water spin around and around. Down. Gone. Carrying fragments of her with it. She was so thin now. Couldn�t remember her last full meal. She studied her reflection in the mirror across from the tube. Pale. Lifeless. She no longer saw the girl who once gazed back at her. She was lost now, buried somewhere inside. Somewhere under rubble of hopelessness and na�ve fairytales.
The darkness consumed the evening. She watched him sleep soundly from where she sat across the room. Every move he made took her attention from her book she attempted to read. She wanted nothing more than for him to awake long enough to notice she was not lying beside him. She wanted him to call for her. To want her. To care for her the way he once did.
He slept so peacefully. So soundly. She watched his chest heave with every breath. It took all of her to not run over to him. To hold him even if her gestures were unwanted. She loved him. She would give up anything to take care of him, but could not figure out what it was about him that possessed her to want to do so. He would not do the same for her.
Breathe out�
It had been months since he paid her a compliment. She reminisced on the times when he�d call her five times a day just to let her know he was thinking about her. She missed the way it took them forever just to say goodbye; he never wanted to leave her side. She missed the way he�d place his hand on the small of her back when he led her into a room, and the way it felt when he kissed her. Those times were gone now.
He had become her addiction. She wanted nothing more than him. She had given up everything else. Now the nights without him left her withdrawn and fighting for the strength to just let go�
She glanced at the clock. 3am. It was raining outside now. The thunder rolled through the early morning and the sound of the rain against the window brought a since of comfort. Quietly, she slipped her shoes on her feet. The left one first, then the right. Tying them tightly. She gathered her purse and keys in one hand and grabbed her umbrella with the other. No need for a sweater, she thought.
She turned to leave, but stopped in the doorway. Turning around she walked over to the bed where he slept. Leaning over him she stroked his forehead and kissed his cheek�
Breathe in�
She drove with eagerness. Raindrops splattered with force against her windshield but her wipers were ready to push them away. With her windows rolled down she laughed at the night. Mocking it. Taunting it to try and stop her. She screamed out loud, never thinking twice. Never thought that maybe tomorrow he would want her again. Never stopped to think that maybe at this moment he was waking up to tell her he wanted her next to him. She knew him better than that. She was almost there�
She parked as close as she could. She could barely see the end of the pier through the heavy blanket of rain all around her. There was no one else around. The beach looked deserted and lonely. The night called to her�
She ran. She ran as fast as she could. The end of the pier seemed like miles, but she never lost focus. Almost there�
This is what she wanted. This was all she had left. She couldn�t stop now. Her pace quickened. She threw her purse with one swing of arm. She dropped her keys in her tracks. A smile crossed her face. With her arms stretched out she never looked back. There was nothing to look back at. Faded street lamps, lonely sidewalks, broken hearts. She threw her head back and laughed. �Free� she shouted. �Free��
The end of the pier brought anticipation. She grabbed the railing. Cold. She peered out into the vast ocean before her. She could not distinguish the sea from the sky. She lifted her eye to the darkness above. The rain cleansed her face�
One foot on the rail.
She listened to the waves crash beneath her. The jagged rocks so fierce and powerful. Slowly, carefully she crawled over to the other side. Her toes dangled off the edge. Her arms stretched out behind her, clutching the railing tightly.
He never called to say he missed her anymore�
The salty sea wind tossed her hair about her face. Her grip loosened. She closed her eyes and felt the cold steel of the railing slip through her fingers�
�I�m free��.
Breathe out�