Unrealistic Life...
4:02 p.m. | 2003-05-04
I really would like to know what my mom get out of harassing me all the time. And I don�t understand why she doesn�t get the fact that I�m only in college because I know it is what�s best for me�not because I actually want to be there.
I hate college.
I have no idea what I�m planning on doing when I get out, or if I even think I�ll make it out. I am unmotivated and I just don�t care.
What I want for myself seems to be too unrealistic. Therefore I find myself pushing it aside in order to please my parents.
I�m 20. And I would be completely content with myself if I were just married and had children.
That�s it.
I don�t have any big dreams of becoming anything significant. I don�t want to dedicate my life to some career that will end up stressing me out and leaving me unfulfilled. I don�t want to hold some superior position at some company somewhere wearing panty hose with pants suits all day. I don�t want to have to pretend I like people all the time�that�s just not for me�
I want to be a mom.
I want to be able to fall in love and get married and have children and dedicate my life to my husband and my kids. I want to make breakfast every morning. I want to pack my children�s lunches with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and juice boxes. I want to have a home that is mine that I can clean and look after. I want to have dinner on the table every night when my husband comes home. I want to be the PTA parent, and the soccer mom. I want to drive carpool in my minivan, and plan family outings on the weekends for us to enjoy. I want to have a garden to work in. And I want to learn to quilt. I want my kids to know I love them�.
Why does everyone always frown at me when I tell them this? It might not be what they want, but why am I so wrong for wanting this for myself?
I think I would feel better if I knew for sure that this would be how my life will end up. I don�t think I�d mind college so much if I knew for sure that in the end I�d be able to have what I want.
I think that is why I enjoy Bree�s diary so much�
She lives my unrealistic life�