starting over...
5:48 p.m. | 2003-05-18
I went to Church today for the first time in 34813738538 days.
I�ve been resisting the feelings I have to go, simply because I don�t want to answer questions about my absence the last few months.
Today I got up and went without hesitation.
Things seemed so different in 23Below (the college youth group)
Less people.
The whole atmosphere felt different to me. Ashley went on vacation for the weekend so her presence, which I usually look forward to, was missing. Lisa was trying to handle MUDD (serving breakfast) by herself and seemed a little frustrated. I used to work in MUDD and for the first time it seemed strange not to be behind the counter serving juice and bagels.
There were less than 20 people there today. I�ve never seen the room that empty before.
Even the band sounded different. When I got there they were messing around playing �Hanging by a Moment� by Lifehouse. When Worship began, they played songs I�ve never heard of�
Brian G is playing guitar again.
Brandon�s hair has gotten longer.
And Aaron didn�t have that look in his eyes anymore.
Things have changed so much since Brian M went back to Texas and Travis left in search of a new church.
The good part was no one asked where I had been. I was happy about that. I wouldn�t have known what to say if someone would have asked. There just isn�t a good way to say, �Oh I started dating this guy and he took the place of God in my life but then he dropped me like a hot rock and I was contemplating jumping off a bridge until I regained my senses and realized living a life for God was better than dying because of one of his creations gone bad��
Yeah that wouldn�t have been good.
The only part that kind of upset me was when a girl who has been at the church for a while, and who I�ve met before, came up to me and said�
�Hey, I�m Megan! Are you new here?�
I wanted to slap her...
It�s like�ok stupid�I�ve been here for a year and a half and you�ve met me before and you used to want Aaron when he wanted me and you drive a puke yellow mustang and when you wear your hair in a bun in makes your head look fat�
But I didn�t say that.
I wanted to.
But I didn�t.
I mean I know I haven�t been there in a few months but c�mon. There is no way you can forget me�
I�m Goldy dang it!!!
The unforgettable!!!
But yeah�
Brian G�s hugs seemed a little tighter today�
I know he misses me and it�s genuine.
I�m going to try and start going regularly again. I need that back in my life�
I need a lot of things�
Such as an enema�