getting back to good...
11:10 p.m. | 2003-06-03
It�s been over a month.
I figured he just decided to not respond�
I thought that maybe I had sent it to a bad email address�
I considered the fact that I had ruined things so long ago�
Came home around 4pm�
Checked my mail around 4:10�
Almost stopped breathing when I saw his name in my inbox.
Tyler Grover�
I didn�t mention it in here but after I wrote this I started thinking about what it�s really like to live without him. It�s been over two years since I�ve seen or spoken to him and after I had our whole story written down and staring back at me I began to realize that I missed our friendship.
We were such great friends. Even before we started dating, things between us were so indescribable. We knew each other. Really knew each other. He was the only person in the world that I knew I could count on. I knew that no matter what he would be there unconditionally. I always said the same thing. But when it came down to it, I wasn�t there when he needed me the most.
We were always so open with each other. Never afraid of what the other might think. Never shy, never thinking twice. We had a friendship that I never thought could be broken�
But things just got too complicated. Too hard to deal. We couldn�t be together, and with the end of our relationship I threw away the friendship too. I was so ready to throw it all away because of all the choices I made that brought everything down.
I will never be able to forgive myself for everything that happened.
Never.
I re-read the story over and over again. Everything came streaming back to me and I was taken back to a time in my life where I could say I was actually happy. For a long time, he was the best thing in my life.
I want my life back.
I want to be able to call Tyler a friend again. I just want to see if I could get a fraction of our friendship back and be able to find stable ground.
So after much deliberation, and some council from a wise friend I decided that asking for our friendship back and being rejected was better than living with never knowing�
It took me three days to write a four-paragraph email...
I was shaking so bad when I hit the send button that I actually had to run to the bathroom before I threw up.
I was so scared. I had no idea how he would react to hearing from me and no idea how he felt about a possible friendship.
This is the letter I sent him�
Hey Tyler,
Freaked out much? Lol.
It�s been awhile huh? I�ve been wanting to email you for some time now, but I didn�t really know how you would react or what I�d even say. Guess I�ll just start by saying hi. How are you? I hope you are well and happy because that is the Tyler I remember.
I know things got pretty crappy between us near the end of our senior year. I just hope to think that that is behind us now. I know it�s made me a better person because of it. Truth is I kinda miss you. You were one of my best friends for a long time and it�s sad to think that there is nothing to show for that now. I think of you often and pray for you regularly. I know nothing about you now, but I just ask God to take care of you and bless you.
In case you are wondering, I�m doing well myself. I got about two more weeks of school. Whoo hoo!!! Then it�s off to working all summer!!!! Not so whoo hoo�I still work at the wonderful world of Blockbuster, and I still hate it with a passion. Haha. My grandma is doing well. So is my mother. My dog is dying of cancer, so it�s been pretty weird here lately. We are probably going to have to put her to sleep within the next few weeks. I do not like that too much.
Well, I better go. I�d really like to hear from you Tyler. I don�t know how you feel towards me and a possible friendship in the future but I hope you would consider it. However I�d understand if you�d rather not. I know you wanted to fix everything between us along time ago, and to be honest I wasn�t ready for that then. God had too much to teach me and I had too many lessons to learn. If it�s one thing I�ve learned it�s that good friends are hard to come by�you were a good one�
Well anyway, take care�
Krystle
After a long month, this is what he wrote back�
Hey there!
I'm sorry that it took me a long time to reply. I just haven't been online that much anymore. I guess I don't have a need to now that Myra and I broke up a couple of months ago.(Myra...they broke up...she was the girl he left me for).
Well as far as how I've been, I've been doing a LOT better. I kind of stopped going to school, I didn't enjoy my classes. I'm working a Stater Brothers and recently got a tattoo of flames on my leg by Mikey. Yes Ericka's brother. (Mikey is my ex-boyfriend and Ericka is my ex- best friend) I just applied to an EMT school for the summer and I'm now waiting for a response from them.
I�m sorry to hear about your dog. I am glad that your mother and grandma's doing well. Tell them I said �Hi!"
It's so funny I was talking to Toby (his best friend) about you yesterday saying that I was wondering what you were doing and that I should try and talk to you. He was like, "hey I saw her driving around in your truck!" (In high school he dreamed of having a Chevy S-10 extended cab�I got it instead.)
About a friendship, I'm open to anything. I still have a lot of soul searching to do so I might be a little distant from time to time but yes Krystle you can call, email, visit me anytime you want I don't have a problem with that I try not to hold grudges towards anyone.
It was nice to hear from you
Tyler
Imagine my relief.
For the first time in a long time I cried because I was happy.
I guess I just needed to know that there aren�t any hard feelings between us anymore, and things could be okay�
Not too long after I got his reply, he instant messenged me�
Again, I couldn�t believe it.
We talked for over an hour.
Not about anything in particular.
Just about tattoos, work, school, family, and friends�
It felt so good to talk to him.
He said that we would talk again soon�
I�m so happy.
So relieved.
Today was a good day�