ramblings when I'm depressed and pissed...enjoy...
12:51 a.m. | 2003-06-11
AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can�t take this gloomy weather anymore!!!
I haven�t seen the sun in almost two weeks! I�m seriously about to go nuts. What is the point of living in Southern California if it�s going to be overcast and gloomy for days at a time??
It�s so depressing. And according to the weather guy on TV it�s going to stay like this for the rest of the month�
I seriously can�t take it. I feel the rate of suicides in Southern California suddenly sky rocketing�I mean, it�s so bad I want to slit my wrists and pour salt on the wounds�
In other news�
Yesterday I spent 15 dollars on a freakin black eyeliner.
I should die.
I spend way too much money.
And I�ve never spent this much money before I started hanging with Elias again. I think he seriously wants me to go broke. How dare he take me to all these neat places and tell me about all this wonderful stuff�
CURSE YOU ELIAS!!!�
Ok just kidding I loves you�come do my hair!!!
Speaking of my hair,ever since Ernie cut it I can�t seem to get it to do anything without the help of Elias. And I�m not really down with that one eye, Cyclops thing that Ernie and him made me look like in the pics, but it doesn�t seem to want to do anything else�
I find it sad and humiliating that I need a male to do my hair for it to actually look decent. It completely defeats the purpose of being a female�
Especially when you are trying to do everything in your power to rid yourself of men in general, but are forced to ask the assistance of one for vanity purposes only�
I loathe myself�
Oh and one last strange and funny thing to add to this entry�
So Javi is on some seriously heavy crap lately cause he�s so been taking out of his anus�
So after THIS he ended up getting back with his girlfriend, and then breaking up with her again�
Then last week he IMes me out of nowhere and asks if I�m �talking� to anyone. Of course being the smartass I am I named the other people I was chatting online with at the moment, which wasn�t exactly what he wanted to know.
In fact I think it confused him since the list of people I named contained two girls and Elias�
He thinks I�ve gone les�
I told him no, I wasn�t seeing, dating, or talking to anyone�
I probably should have lied.
Cause tonight he got all sentimental on me saying how he wants to �hook up� and how �I should know that he�s always had a thing for me��and �how come I won�t think about��
BWAHAHA!!!
Now if that ain�t settin� myself up for another trip to the emergency room�
Truth is, I�ve known Javier since freshmen year, and I�ve had feelings for him ever since�
But I was never good enough to BE his girlfriend, just the girl that he went to when he got bored OF his girlfriends�
Um yeah,
I was good enough to grope, make out with, get drunk with, lie to his girlfriends about�
And at one point I even remember him telling me�
�You are like, marriage material, I don�t want to waste you now when I�m not ready for that yet��
EWE!
What is with guys and just assuming I will always be there when they are ready for a commitment�
It�s like, I�m not good enough now, but they all feel like they can stick me in a Tupperware bowl and put me aside to keep me fresh so when it�s time to get serious, I�ll be right there waiting�
And people wonder what it is I have against men�
Go figure�
A-holes�.