Alright, I wrote about it...
11:45 a.m. | 2003-10-15
So a lot of things have been going on with me lately that I really haven�t been talking about here. Not necessarily because I don�t want to write about it, it�s just mainly because I doubt anyone would find it interesting enough to read.
But for the sake of updating, I�m just going to give it a shot anyway.
Stacy and I are finally back to be the friends we were in high school. And let me tell you, it feels great. We struggle with a lot of the same issues and it�s good to know that there is someone else out there that is almost as insane as I am.
No offense Stacy.
I�ve been acting more like a Christian lately and less like a Mongoloid. I only say this because I have a habit of saying one thing and doing another, or what is better known as suffering from the �not practicing what you preach� syndrome.
Good things have already started to come from this.
I feel better, I smile more, and I don�t get nearly as upset.
Things are good.
In addition to this, and to my own surprise the elusive Tyler has somehow stumbled back into my life.
Yea, I do mean THIS Tyler.
You have absolutely no idea what that feels like and just how much that means to me.
Tyler was not only my high school boyfriend he was my best friend.
I spent two years of high school admiring him from afar, the third year denying what I felt, the fourth year destroying everything I had, and these last two years trying to forgive myself for it.
When I wrote him THIS letter last May, I didn�t exactly know what to expect from it. I didn�t know how he would react, or if he still held things against me.
I saw him once over the summer.
By chance. Out of nowhere.
There was a group of five of us in high school.
Tyler, Stacy, Zach, Sal, and Me�
(Toby and Gracie were close to the five of us too, but Toby graduated a year before us and Gracie did her own thing for the first few years and this is totally irrelevant to my story and I�m not sure why I�m even putting this in here but just bare with me, thanks.)
Tyler and Stacy stayed the closest after we graduated.
I rarely asked Stacy about Tyler over the past couple of years mainly because I wasn�t sure of what she would tell me, and somewhat because I felt uncomfortable talking to her about him because I knew how close they were.
Until recently, I still felt that Stacy held everything that happened between Tyler and I against me. I know it was just me being paranoid, but for some reason I couldn�t help it.
A little less than two weeks ago, Stacy and I were hanging out here at my house when her cell phone rang. It was Toby and Tyler.
They wanted her to come hang out with them over at Tyler�s house and she was quick to let them know that I was with her.
Tyler told Stacy to bring me too.
This is where my stomach decided to do somersaults and throw my body temperature out of whack causing me to sweat like a pig out of nervousness.
I went anyway.
So here I am, driving Stacy and I over to my ex boyfriends house whom I�ve had absolutely no contact with since graduation because I was a moron and massacred our relationship.
Fantastic.
We arrived at his house to find his father, Joe standing out in the front yard drinking a beer.
We approached slowly, and I stood back as Stacy gave Joe a hung and said hello.
I tried not to make eye contact, but I smiled politely because I wasn�t sure what his reaction would be to seeing me after all this time.
He looked at me. Stood quiet for a few moments, as if trying to decide if it was really me, or just some random girl Stacy brought over.
�Do I know you?� he asked jokingly.
I smiled.
�How the hell are ya?!� He laughed. �Give me a hug!�
I did what he said, and replied with the very original, �I�m fine, thanks".
He said I looked good, and that it was nice to see me.
After a few minutes he told us to go inside because Tyler and Toby were in there waiting.
Toby opened the door for us, and after a few minutes Tyler came out of his bedroom and said hi.
Kat, Stacy�s best friend and one of my favorite people ever showed up not too long after.
We all sat around for a little while.
Tyler and I sat on the smaller couch and chit chatted, while Stacy, Toby and Kat talked amongst themselves.
The surprise of the night is when Sal showed up.
I was so happy to see him, since I hadn�t spoken to him since high school either.
Things would have been perfect if Zach would have been there, but he�s changed so much since high school I�m not even sure things would feel the same with all of us together again.
Toby left first.
Then Sal.
Stacy, Kat and I ended up leaving at around 4am.
Since that night, Tyler and I have spoken everyday.
Last Saturday Stacy and I picked him up and went to Starbucks, and on Sunday I ventured over to his house after he got home from work and we watched movies.
Well, we attempted to watch movies.
We ended up sitting across from each other on the couch the whole night talking.
Talking about life. Friends. School. Work. God. Family. Everything.
I finally went home at around 3am.
I never thought I could feel comfortable around him again, but I was wrong.
I�ve always been in love with Tyler. And the hardest thing I�ve ever done was try and get over the fact that we were no longer friends.
After awhile, it wasn�t even about him not being my boyfriend, it was the fact that our friendship was gone.
It�s been a few years, but we are just starting to get to know each other again, and I seriously could not be more ecstatic.
Two nights ago, it was getting late and I figured I�d give sleep a shot.
I don�t sleep well.
I stay awake most of the night, and when I do end up falling asleep I wake up every couple of hours.
It was around midnight when I put up an away message and crawled into bed.
At 1am I heard the chime of an instant message.
It was Tyler.
Tyler: You awake? I can�t sleep.
Me: Neither can I
Apparently we still have some things in common.
We talked until 3am.
Tyler: man I'm tired
Me: go to bed silly!
Tyler: I can't fall asleep
Me: yea me either. Keep talking to me, you'll be asleep soon...that's what boredom gets you...ahah
Tyler: lol
ME: that�s mean, you could at least disagree with me or something...make me feel a little better...
Tyler: come on Krystle if you were so boring do you think that I would even come home after a 12 hour shift and before I even change my clothes start talking to you?
Me: ok good point...
Tyler: so do you think that I've changed since high school?
Me: looks wise or like, personality?
Tyler: both?
Me: looks wise, you look the same just more manly and filled out...you look really good.... personality wise, you seem like the same old Tyler just older and wiser and you drink more than I remember....
Tyler: really? I drink more?
Me: um, yes. You don't think so?
Tyler: I think it's because I never wanted to tell you in high school how much I drank. I knew you didn't like it
Me: aaaahhhh, that makes sense... so going along with that question...you think I've changed since high school?
Tyler: I think that you've changed ALOT! Don�t worry it's not a bad thing. You look better then I've ever seen. And you're more open and not as closed minded.
Me: really, thanks...I really have changed a lot. It's incredible...even when I started hanging out with Stacy again she was like, blown away...I'm just a lot more happy now. Apparently that's what God does to you
Tyler: I'm just really glad that you found Him you don�t understand how happy I was to hear that
Me: really? Wow, thanks...that really means a lot to me
So things are good. He�s coming over tomorrow to visit because my mother is driving me nuts since she hasn�t seen him in two and a half years.
So yea.
That�s what�s been going on with me.
Maybe it doesn�t seem like much, but I�ve been dealing with a lot of feelings and the past and trying to figure out what exactly God is doing with all of this.
I�m going to go wash my truck now and get some stuff done before church tonight�