Learning to Breathe....
10:18 p.m. | 2003-10-25
We sat on my back porch and I watch him smoke cigarette after cigarette.
He said it relaxes him.
I think sometimes he just wants a reason.
I asked him why he never smiles anymore. I wondered what happened to the boy I used to know�
He said he didn�t have the answers.
Our 45-minute conversation ended with him sobbing into the sleeve of his sweater�
I sat next to him shivering from the cold.
I wanted to cry for him. But I couldn�t for the sake of seeming like I actually thought he didn�t do this all to himself.
Things always have a weird way of turning out.
He says he doesn�t try to hide who he is.
What he�s forgotten is that even though we�ve had a two and a half year gap in our friendship, I still know him better than who he thinks he is now.
Truth is, he has absolutely no idea who he is.
I�ve been with him everyday for the past three weeks.
Countless hours of conversation, affirmation, and sleepless nights filled with old movies and the occasional case of beer.
�How else would we be?� he responded one night when I asked him if he felt comfortable wrapped up together in my bed.
I think we have found a comfort in each other that we never had when we were dating.
He�s still trying to grasp the concept that everything happens for a reason, even the bad things.
Sometimes our conversations get so deep it hurts to breathe�
He tells me that the things I say sink deep down inside of him.
I�ll believe it when he starts acting upon them�
I told him that God�s waiting.
�I know,� he answered. �I know��