Doctors and pretty pills and sprained wrists make for an interesting couple of days...
10:03 a.m. | 2003-12-08

Alright.

First, remember how in Wednesday’s entry I mentioned how Tyler was going night snowboarding??

Well what I didn’t mention was that I made him promise me that he would be careful and not get hurt or else I was going to lay the smack down…

I got a call around 9pm…

“I think I broke my wrist.”

Beautiful…

ARG!

On Thursday I went to the hospital three times…

THREE DIFFERENT HOSPITALS!!!

First I had a doctors appointment in the morning cause apparently my dad thinks I’m dying…And according to the four types of medication I’m taking now, he could just be right…

Ya see, even though I’m an adult, if my dad doesn’t make my doctors appointments for me, I would never go. Doctor’s think they know everything and frankly, that make me uneasy and not very willing to run around them wearing an oversized paper towel that allows my ass to chill in the wind…

So anyway, my dad drags my butt out of bed at 6am because apparently he thought that two and a half hours was the ideal time he needed to drive 30 minutes away…

I’m groggy and really not in the mood to have some half witted Ph.D. poke me with objects and guess at what might actually be wrong with me…

So we get there and immediately as we walk off the elevator I see a bathroom and tell my dad I got to pee. Little did he know I was planning my getaway…

My plan was to hide in the restroom until my dad went into the waiting room, and then I was going to make a mad dash back to the elevator and head for the car…

After that, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do but I thought I’d just figure it out when I got there…

And I’m sure this would have all worked out if my dad didn’t know me that well and wouldn’t of been standing in front of the elevator as I ran from the bathroom…

Crap.

In the waiting room to sign in we went…

So there I sat.

Sweater on, hood pulled over my head, no makeup, and knees to my chest, clinching my purse tightly on my lap…

When they finally called me in they stuck me in a cold room filled with weird objects and really bad paints on the walls…

Then the nurse comes in and asks me if I would go down the hall to the restroom and provide her with a urine sample…

Piss.

She wanted me to piss for her…

I don’t know about you, but I think peeing in a cup is a little unnecessary and I thoroughly believe that they ask us to do it strictly on the grounds of humiliation…

Especially if you are a girl and lack the wonderful gadget we all love to call a penis…

Girls have to squat and position and at the same time try desperately to stick their head between their knees to be able to see where their stream of piss is…

And you know what…

When you’ve only been up for about two hours and the first thing you did when you got up was head for the bathroom, you are basically pumping a dry well…

I just couldn’t go…

I was trying everything possible to get myself to go. I was thinking about hot running water and lavish waterfalls and nothing was working.

I was trying so hard my eyes started to tear…

Finally after a few minutes I was able to squeeze out a few drops, and luckily they made it into the little cup…

But then…

By the grace of God and the juice box I consumed on the drive there, my bladder exploded and in addition to filling the cup half way I inadvertently peed all over my hand…

B-E-A-UTIFUL!!!!

It was only 8:30am and I had already pissed on myself…

But yea…

So I finally get back to my little room and it takes another 15 minutes for the gray haired non-English speaking doctor to come in and greet me…

He started asking me questions and basically came to the conclusion that there is something wrong with my blood and my intestines…

They gave me this pretty little blue pills to take three freakin times a day for my stomach cause I guess I produce too much of something or other and it has something to do with my intestines and why I always get sharp pains and feel bloated…

Or whatever.

And they gave me these cute little peachy colored pills for the acid that I guess I have a problem with also…

The doozy came when the bastard M.D thought he would be cool if he took blood…

Blood + Me = hyperventilate and pass out…

I swear to you I’m a nutbag. I can’t stand the sight of blood, and I can’t take thinking about it or hearing about it…

One time I was in my health class in college and my professor told everyone to take their own pulse…

I thought I’d give it a shot.

But since I could feel the blood pumping in me, I keeled over.

No joke.

I passed out taking my pulse.

I even got light headed when the nurse was taking my blood pressure…

It’s been about seven years since I last had blood drawn and it took hours.

The nurse would come at me with the needle. I’d start breathing all hard, and BOOM! I was on the floor…

They’d bring me to, they’d hold me down and come at me again, and BOOM! I’d knock out again…

HA!

Stupid doctors…

But yea, so anyway, the doctor wanted to take some blood to see if there was something wrong since I complain of bad circulation…

I basically told him that if he wanted blood, he was going to have to kill me…

So instead he gave me more pills!!!

I love the way these people work, seriously.

Yea, I was happy to get the hell out of there…

On my way home Tyler called.

He was on his break at work and said he still couldn’t move his wrist.

Ya see, this just shows the intelligence of this man.

First he goes snowboarding AT NIGHT and falls down and busts up his wrist, then instead of going to the hospital that night because he couldn’t move it, he decides to just go home and go to sleep cause he didn’t want to miss work in the morning, then he goes to work and can’t even do anything because he only has one hand. Not to mention he’s left-handed and that just happened to be the wrist that was hurt…

So I do my usually scolding and yell at him for not going to the doctors, and I tell him that when he gets off work I was going to take him…

He told me that his sister’s dance teacher Giselle just had her baby and he wanted to go visit, so he said that I could go with him to see the baby and then we would go get his wrist checked out…

I said fine, and hung up…

3pm rolls around and we are at the hospital with Giselle and her new baby Keirra.

We were there for a good two hours, and Tyler didn’t put down the baby once…

Awww…

But guess what…

We ended up leaving the hospital without getting him checked out.

“My wrist will be fine, I’m hungry.” He whined.

We argue the whole way back to his house to just get there and listen to him mom tell him the same thing I did.

So back to the doctors we went. But since regular hours were over, we had to go to urgent care…

URGENT CARE

Germ infested, diseased ridden, kids screaming, old man coughing urgent care…

So I got him there, filled out his paper work, paid his co-pay and sat for two hours…

All for a bad sprain…

I swear I’m the best ex-girlfriend ever.

EVER!

I don’t think I will ever be able to stress that enough…

On the way home I fed him and we went back to my house where we stayed for the rest of the night…

Friday morning we were woken by my family who were running around the house like mad people. My Dad decided he was going to make this big breakfast for everyone, my mother was obsessing about cleaning the house before she had to go to work and my grandma was trying to get ready to go Christmas shopping.

Tyler and I stayed in bed until everyone left. We ended up picking up Stacy later that day and going to the mall where I bought some cute new brown shoes and a birthday present for Jenn.

Then it was back to Tyler’s house after we dropped off Stacy where I hung out with Tyler’s mom while he went with his dad to pick up some new furniture.

Then it was back to the shoe store where Tyler bought some cute new brown shoes…

By the end of the night we had spent 34 hours together straight.

That has to be a record.

I think I’m lucky.

Most girls can’t stand their ex-boyfriends long enough to be around them for 34 minutes…

I get stuck with mine for a day and a half and he hadn’t even started to annoy me yet.

*grins*

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