I like things in Black and White, motherfucker...
6:13 p.m. | 2005-01-22
I used to be the type of person who could be alone completely, for days without conversation or contact and be absolutely content. It�s easy to adjust to that type of daily life when there is no one around to talk to or be in the company of anyway�
But it�s completely different when there was someone there with you every moment of every day and every night, then suddenly as if death took over, they are gone.
That�s kind of what it feels like.
It�s a withdrawal.
That�s the only way I�m able to explain it.
It�s the unknown.
Not knowing when you are going to see him again.
Months�
This isn�t normal. This isn�t right.
Everything about this is strange and insensible.
I guess I�m just old fashion in the thinking that a person should work where they reside�
Stupid?
But if living out of a suitcase from a motel room with a bunch of middle aged dirty factory workers who smoke too much is what he wants, then that�s fine with me�
If it means he�s happy traveling from one place to the next, then that�s fine with me too�
But if he thinks that I�m going to be the wife of a man I see for a few days every six months, he�s going to be seriously fucking disappointed�
Maybe I�m being selfish.
Everyone else thinks this is the greatest fucking thing that has ever happened to him�
When he called the other night he mentioned that he wanted to get a lap top computer.
I told him I thought the idea of buying a luxury item such as a computer when he was trying to pay off thousands of dollars in bills, not to mention he doesn�t even have a car didn�t make any sense to me�
But then his mother actually said�
�Well, maybe a computer is more sensible than a car since he�s going to be on the road working from now on.�
That is when my head exploded�
And then his uncle spoke up and said�
�Well, how is his chick taking all of this? Is she getting all psycho and crazy?�
Little did his uncle know I was sitting in the other room and overheard his bitch ass comment�
I�ve never liked his uncle anyway. But now I have a concrete reason not to�
This all is just making me very angry. And I think everyone around me will be happy after Tuesday when I go to the doctors and get put on some meds�
Speaking of meds�
I�ve been looking around on the net at different types of depression and I found something called Dysthymia, which sounds sooooo much like how I feel and act.
O�well�
Until then, it�s just me and my bottle of Tequila I found in the garage�