Speaking of...
3:47 p.m. | 2005-05-27
So over the last few weeks I�ve found a strange obsession with Food Network.
I�ve even started making a recipe book.
It�s insane.
Last Friday I went on a field trip with the entire 7th grade class at work.
See, when I was asked to go by a co-worker of mine, what she told me was that we were going to Medieval Times. Fabulous! I thought to myself! FREE FOOD!! But what she was TRYING to tell me in her backwards Spanish speak was that we were going somewhere that was �like� medieval times.
We went to the Renaissance Fair.
The smelly, dusty, Renaissance Fair in the insanely hot sun�
See, what you should know about me, is that I�m white.
And not a normal white, transparent albino white.
Sun + Me = death
I had a group of 12 kids I was in charge of.
And not the nice kids, I get the evil ones.
I was seriously ready to quit and walk the 30 miles home.
I ended up spending 4 hours standing in line after line, arguing with 13 year olds, swimming in dirt and somehow developing a sunburn on only the right side of my face and neck.
NEVER again will I go on a field trip, and never again will I listen to Maria.
I was picking dirt boogers out of my nose for two days.
Speaking of boogers, Tyler started his new job finally. I don�t know if it�s the job or what but he�s been so damn sexy lately. Nothing has really changed. Just the fact that he�s earning money now�
I just want to lick him.
Speaking of Tyler, his mom decided to fall off her motorcycle two weeks ago and break her ankle�
Okay, I guess �fall off� is an understatement�
It�s more like�skid to a stop on her stomach while the bike tumbles end over end in the opposite direction�
Ouch.
Speaking of ouch, that�s what my credit card said last week when I had to take my puppy Molly to the Veterinarian thanks to her never ending curiosity to eat everything she finds in the backyard.
The Vet told me it was poison. Could have been a plant, could have been a bug, could have been pesticides, could have been shit�
But it was definitely poison�
So yea, I had to leave her in the hospital for over 28 hours�
Thank you Jesus for Pet Insurance!
Speaking of Jesus, why oh why Lord would you allow Britney to marry that scum bag�
So when I heard they were going to make a reality TV show I thought, �GREAT! I love watching people end their careers in a suicide train wreck!�
I was right�
I couldn�t even watch the entire first episode because I feared my brain would become mush and ooze out my ears�
See, you would think with this opportunity that Kevin would at least try to redeem himself to the world by trying and acting like a human, but no.
My favorite part was when he was trying to explain what love was�
�Love is love, love is like�love is commitment��
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!
Love is love?
You fucking hippie!
Tell that to your baby momma!
It was also funny how for the entire first 30 minutes of the show Britney kept repeating that she didn�t believe in marriage�
HA!
TELL THAT TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WHEN HE RUNS OFF WITH IT NEXT WEEK AFTER CHEATING ON YOU WITH A VEGAS HOOKER!!!
Speaking of hookers, Tyler and I had a long talk about his two friends, Justin and Zach�
See, Justin and Zach have this strange idea that Tyler has no other obligations in life other than hanging out with the two of them�
Zach has no girlfriend, and therefore does not understand the concept that Tyler has to make sure he spends time with me every week to maintain our abnormal dysfunctional relationship�
And Justin has a girlfriend, but since she lives 3 hours away, he also doesn�t understand the concept that Tyler has to make sure he spends time with me every week to maintain our abnormal dysfunctional relationship�
The shit hit the fan a few weeks ago when I finally blew up�
I was so sick of the two of them calling me every day trying to get a hold of Tyler. It would also probably help if I liked either one of them, but sadly, I don�t.
I�d like a yeast infection better than spending time with the two of them�
Speaking of yeast infections�
I dunno.
But my grandma said something funny the other night when we were watching the movie �BE COOL� together�
It was at the part when Uma Thurman was talking to Steven Tyler in the stables center�and my grandma goes�
�That woman is so ugly she could almost pass for a man!�
�Grandma, �I started. �Uma Thurman is gorgeous; she looks nothing like a man.�
�NO! Not her, I�m talking about the dark haired woman!�
HA!
My grandma is so funny.